Yesterday was an extremely hard day for me. This isn't getting any easier. After the boys were in bed, I was just so lonely. There was nobody for me to text and nobody was on their way over. Nobody was talking sweet to me. I was just alone, watching American Idol.
When I'm alone, I have a huge problem; I think entirely too much. Last night I kept thinking what if he quits on me and changes his mind about us. He has twenty days of time on his hands. He's going to be doing nothing but thinking. Who knows what he'll be thinking about.
Today I have been expecting the impossible. I keep looking at my phone expecting it to go off being a text message from him. I also look on my yahoo messenger, which had him signed in for quite a while. Finally it has him as offline now. I almost unlocked my door earlier around the time he usually came to see me. It's so hard getting so used to hearing from him to nothing. I hate it.
I know it's not that long and thank God for that. If it were any longer than this, I think I'd really lose it. Seventeen days left. I can't wait until he's no longer locked up in a cage. He's not an animal. I miss him so much. I wish I could hear his voice and see his face. I wish this were all over already.
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-Nikki Layne