Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sometimes we have to take risks

Sometimes in life we get afraid of the risks we may be faced with. I know I am guilty of getting scared, sometimes too scared, and I just shut myself off to the idea of taking that risk. What I am trying to get myself to realize is that if it's not a life-threatening risk, that maybe it's worth a shot. If nobody can die from the risk, sometimes I need to welcome these risks.

I do all of my work as an online contractor. I am able to support my home (for the most part) based on my income. DB has recently shown an interest in doing the same thing. For some reason, I got really scared by this. I started thinking it was a bad idea. I kept thinking what if he didn't apply himself or what if he couldn't find contracts. I came up with all these reasons as to why it was a bad idea.

Not once did I think about the possible good outcomes. I mean, if he can get work on oDesk, then he will be making more than he's making now since he doesn't have a job currently. That's a huge plus. He would still be able to take part in everything he's currently doing as well as work from home. When we do live together (we're not right now), this could be a great benefit for the kids always having both parents around. I would have his help and he would have mine.

I am able to see the possible benefits, but I do still have my fears. I worry about what if him and I get sick of each other if we're both around each other constantly and never get a break. I don't want us to argue from being around each other 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I do love him. I just don't want us to become overwhelmed with never getting a break.

I also worry about him getting fed up when the pay isn't that great. oDesk is by far not somewhere you will get rich. I have written 500 word articles for $1.50 each and I've written 500 word articles for $10.00 each. It all depends on the employer. I take on the low rates when I am in a tight spot and have bills I have to pay. I understand that every dollar counts.

I guess I'm just not sure where his head is at as far as working as an online contractor is. He always says he hates me working so much. So, I know he wants to take some weight off of my shoulders and I appreciate that. I just really hope that if he works as an online contractor that he sticks with it.

Working from home as an online contractor is truly rewarding for me and it can be just as rewarding for him. I get to be home with my babies every day. I don't miss anything. I worked very briefly outside of the home when Sweet Pea was 5 months old until he was 8 months old and very very briefly when he was a year old. I hated it. I hated being away from him. Now that I have two I don't get a lot of 1:1 time with either of them. So, working from home makes it so when Lil' Bean is sleeping I can have some 1:1 time with Sweet Pea and vice versa. I might miss those opportunities if I didn't work from home.

So, seeing how this can be a positive thing; I must let go of my fears. I need to at least give DB a chance and not be so scared all the time. So, here's to giving him a chance. I love him and I believe in him. I do. I just worry too much for my own good sometimes. It's part of who I am I guess.

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-Nikki Layne