Sunday, April 24, 2011


So, maybe it's just me who would much rather stay home and enjoy my children and the family I've created than anything else. Bars and parties and all of that is all just a thing of the past. Maybe a movie night from time to time wouldn't hurt, but I don't trust many people with my kids. DB always has the idea to leave the kids with his family, which sometimes I'm okay with. However, in reality I do not trust his family for many different reasons. I especially wouldn't trust them with my newborn.

For me, going on vacation without the kids just won't happen. Maybe when they're much older and can fend for themselves. I would honestly just rather spend time with them, go on vacations with them. I feel like I was put here to be a mom. So, I do it with pleasure.

So, then I wonder when DB gets upset if maybe things were done backwards. Maybe we should have waited to have kids. Maybe we should have done all the things he wanted to do first before having kids. I do not ever regret having kids. I enjoy my life. However, sometimes I feel like he wishes we waited or something. Our first child was completely planned. Our second was not. Sometimes I feel like I messed up, like I failed DB. I only want him to be happy, but sometimes when we get into these conversations I feel like I'm holding him back from what he wanted to do with his life. Maybe I did ruin his life...

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-Nikki Layne