Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Feeding A Picky, Stubborn Toddler
Crazy Weather
He Smiled!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Day 7: Worried
Baby Sign Language
Getting Better With My Diet
Naming Your Children
What Would Jesus Say?
So, last night I read something rather...interesting I guess you could say.
"Children born out of wed lock. What would Jesus say?"
This frustrated me. I have two children and no, I am not married. I'm also not perfect. I am, however, human. I make mistakes. Reading that really got to me, though. I fear my Judgement Day. I know I have not lead a perfect life. I know I have made my mistakes. We all make mistakes, right? Some more than others, some bigger than others. I guess I just don't like being looked at as 'that girl.' You know, the one who had not one, but two kids out of wed lock.
If I were to judge, I guess I would say my second child is out of worse circumstances than the first. My first was at least conceived out of a loving relationship, one that will one day end in marriage. My second was just conceived. There was no love. It just was. The after effects were hate, from the CSD. I love both of my kids and I would not trade them in for the world.
I fear everything. I do think about what all I will have to answer for on my Judgement Day. I don't want to go to Hell. I want to go to Heaven. I want DB to go to Heaven too. I want my kids in Heaven. I want everyone I know and love to be in Heaven with me. I want to know them again when I'm there. I know that per the Bible and everything I was taught that you're not even supposed to have sex until you're married. So, obviously having children 'out of wed lock' is wrong. I guess I just want to know how wrong. Am I going to Hell for it? Will I be forgiven for it? Will my children be punished?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 6: Loved
Pro Life or Pro Choice
However, when it comes to situations such as rape, I can understand why people would get an abortion. I can understand not wanting to carry and deliver a child from some a traumatic experience. Still in saying that, I do believe everyone deserves a chance at life. So, I guess I'm more pro life, but I can try to understand the pro choice side of things when it comes to rape.
I do not in any way condone the use of abortion as birth control. When I lived in Alaska, I knew a girl who used abortion as birth control. In the year I talked to her, she had gotten three abortions. They make actual birth control for a reason! I also do not agree with the ability to get an abortion so late in your pregnancy now.
I believe that a child is a blessing, not a choice. The choice was made when you willingly participated in adult activities. However, adoption is always an option. When I got pregnant with Lil' Bean, it was not by DB. DB and I had separated and I got pregnant by someone else. We will refer to that someone else as CSD (cheap sperm donor haha). Well, CSD did not react well when I told him I was pregnant. Before I had found out I was pregnant I had plans on leaving him. So, naturally I found out I was pregnant. I knew I was pregnant. I skipped over the pregnancy test and went right to the doctor only to find out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I just knew. I had that feeling. After I told him we kind of stopped talking and I just moved out. Then I started getting monetary offers. He wanted to pay me off. He also tried forcing me into an abortion. I flat out refused and told him not to worry because his name would not be associated with the baby. He didn't want to pay child support. I was even harassed by members of his family. His family and his chain of command (he was/is in the army) were helping him to evade his responsibility. I let it go. I saw it as a bad situation to involve a child in. So, I walked away from it all and made the decision that I would be a single mom of two. Two months later that changed when I got back together with DB. I was stupid for ever leaving him in the first place. DB decided he would take on the baby as his own. He said every baby deserves a dad and he wanted to be daddy to both of my children. Sweet Pea is his biologically and Lil' Bean is his in every other way. My pregnancy was very difficult. There were times I didn't know what to think. I had no attachment to my Lil' Bean basically until he was born. Now I can't imagine my life without him. I regret my relationship with CSD, but I do not regret Lil' Bean. I know when Lil' Bean grows up he might have questions and I will deal with them when the time comes.
I know that there are people who are pro choice and I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion. My opinion is my opinion and their opinion is theirs. This is America and we have the beauty of freedom of speech. Like I said, I can understand pro choice on some levels. So, I'm not all gung ho about being pro life. It's just what I believe for myself. I am just not one to push my beliefs on someone else. However, people and their opinions and reasonings do interest me. So, are you pro life or pro choice?
What's A Good Number?
Well, I sit here and wonder what is a good number to make on a monthly, or even yearly, basis for a household of two boys under the age of two? Right now I only push myself to make enough to get by. I think I should work more and strive to make a certain number each week, month, and year. However, I'm just not sure what those numbers should be. I sit here and think about numbers wondering if I'm shooting too high or too low.
My main source of income is writing. I know how much I can make an hour and although working 8 hours a day would be ideal, it's not always possible. I have two main projects and if I take three days each week to work on my smaller project and the other four to work on my larger project, I think I make more than enough. If I can buckle down and work 30 hours over the course of 3 days on the smaller project and 32 hours over the course of 4 days on the larger project I can make a good amount of money. My bills will always be paid, things I want to do for the kids and DB will be taken care of, and I can work on paying off some debt.
Where do I fail the most? I stay logged in on Facebook and Yahoo while I'm working and get distracted. I think I need to really start treating this like a real job. No social networking, messengers, or cell phone while I work. I think I need to actually set a schedule. On the days I do the smaller job, I need to work longer; 10 hours. I will still be tending to the kids and I'd like to break it up. The kids generally don't wake up until 10am. So, I think I will start working at 7am each morning and work until noon. That gives me 3 hours I can work straight through. Naptime happens at 1pm, so I will probably take a nap with them sticking to this schedule. Then I'll pick working back up from 6pm-11pm. The kids are in bed at 8pm usually, so that gives me another 3 hours I can work straight through. On the days I work on my larger job, I only need 8 hours. So, I think I'll from 8am-noon and 6pm-10pm.
I think I like the idea of having a schedule. This schedule will go into effect tomorrow. I need to get a good night's sleep. If I can stick to this, which I hope I can, then things can really change for my family. I am glad I have finally come up with a plan. Being a single SAHM can be challenging, especially when I work from home. I think breaking it up and having half of my work time happen when the kids are sleeping will really be beneficial. I can spend a good amount of time with them when I'm not working. Do you work from home? What do you do? How have you learned to manage your time effectively?
Happy Birthday...
Day 5: Reassured
Justice For The Innocent
Nani was a good student, very involved in the theater. She was well liked and had a lot of friends. She didn't let her disability prevent her from living a normal life. Music and dancing were two hobbies of hers that she was extremely passionate about.
The man who tried to ruin her life after he assumed she got an abortion when in reality she miscarried is known as Greg Fultz. He had no qualms about posting every detail he could remember about their relationship and sexual encounters on his blog. It was public for the entire world to see. They had online intimate dates, which he took screenshots of and put up on his blog. This man poked fun at Nani saying her @$$ gave him a droopy face, lazy eye, and drool falling down on his shirt. He stated he regretted going out on the first date with her because she was embarrassing to be around in public. He flat out put their entire sex life on blast like it was no big deal. Once she miscarries he puts the blame of the entire pregnancy on her. He assumes she got an abortion and tells her the pregnancy was all on her for "spreading her legs" and "not insisting on a condom." Then he gets vindictive and puts up a billboard.
When you are in a relationship, and even after, as a grown adult you should be a better person than to exploit every last detail on your blog. If things didn't work out, let them go. It wasn't meant to be. Without any proof of wrongdoings, you need to carry on. Even if you do have proof, you should handle any issues you may have with the person you have the issues with instead of the entire world wide web. Posting a porn in written form on your blog is just completely uncalled for. I really don't understand why the screenshots existed to begin with. There was no need to post them anywhere, censored or not.
Poking fun at the disabled is never okay and this is something I feel very strongly about. I have an aunt who has cerebral palsy. She is mentally and physically challenged. Due to being raised by my grandparents in the same house as her, I have a place in my heart for the special needs. Making fun of them is not okay. People with special needs are more often than not the most kindhearted people you will ever meet. They long to be liked. In my eyes, there is no reason in the entire world that could ever make poking fun at a disabled person okay. They are human just like you and I, and deserve to be treated like people. They are not animals. Embarrassing to be out in public with? I just can't believe someone could say something like this. That's just wrong. I'll bet a million special needs people have far more class than someone who would say something like that. I know my aunt had manners and class. Never was I ever embarrassed to be out in public with her. I enjoyed spending time with her. Due to how kind-natured special needs people are, I considered myself lucky to know my aunt. I think those who know Nani should feel the same. I think an attack like this on someone with special needs is wrong on so many levels.
When Nani miscarried, she was upset. She shut down and did not want to talk. She certainly did not want to talk to someone like Greg who was texting all kings of obscenities to her. He could not understand this and went off the deep end. He starting creating all of these stories about how she "wished" the baby away, used a coat hanger, and got an abortion. None of which are true. She miscarried, which is a heart-wrenching experience for any woman to go through, never mind someone as young as Nani. I know what it's like to have a baby you will never hold. Granted Nani wanted to give him or her up for adoption, she did not what them to not have a chance at life. She wanted them to have a good life, which was why she was considering adoption. I commend her for realizing this. So many people try and fail and ultimately ruin their children's lives instead of doing what is right.
Greg took this to the extreme and had a billboard put up. He tried to have many different companies put up the billboard, but most refused. Only one agreed, but we don't know what company. All we do know is that the billboard was endorsed by the New Mexico Right to Life Association. I just wish this association knew it is all a hoax that Greg created inside his twisted head to get back at Nani. This is taking getting back at an ex-lover to the extreme. He created a fake organization using Nani's name and calling it the National Association of Needed Information. We don't know anything about this "organization." He refuses to answer questions about it. He won't state what constitutes as "needed information." Nor will he say who would access such information. NANI is nothing more than a stab to get back at her. He took his personal issues as public as possible. All this man is doing and has done is harass Nani. He is a disgusting individual if you ask me.
So, who am I and why do I care? I am an outsider. I do not even live in the state where this billboard went up. Heck, I have never even been there. I do not know Nani, nor do I know Greg. I feel strongly on this topic for many reasons. He preyed upon a young girl with a disability. That is my honest belief. It has been said that every single girl he has ever dated has had some form of a disability. That is a major red flag. He told her he was sterile, I think he lied. That is also wrong. So, is he a reproductive abuser? Is this not the first time he has tried this gimmick? I believe that people need to see that Greg is not all rainbows and sunshine. He threatens people at the drop of a hat when they do not agree with him. He does not believe anyone except himself is entitled to an opinion. He has destroyed the reputation of a young girl because of what he assumes, not what he knows. These are the types of people we have in our world. I don't like it. So, I wanted to be heard. I wanted to try and get justice for Nani. She deserves that much. What do you think about this? You can state your opinion on this poll, which was created by Greg.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Harder Than I Thought
Couponing Has Become Quite The Craze
For the first time, I clipped all the coupons I had in my house. I went through newspaper fliers, things I get in the mail, and my magazines. For starters, I decided I would organize them in labeled envelopes. Eventually, I do plan on getting a coupon organizer where I can actually see all of my coupons. I plan on going for a small shop this week. So, we will see how I do. I have found blogs with a lot of advice such as Carolina Couponer, The Krazy Coupon Lady, Thrifty Wifey, and The Thrifty Mama. So, I am what you would call a couponing newbie. Have you had any success couponing? Where do you obtain your coupons from? Any other places you have found good couponing advice you'd like to share?
With Colic My Diet Went Out The Window
So, I found one way to find out how many calories I should be taking in. Apparently, you start at 100 for 5ft. Then you add 5 for each additional inch. I'm 5'2, so that brings me to 110. If you're small-boned you add 5 more, if you're average you add nothing, and if you're large-boned you add five. I'm small boned, so that brings me to 115. If you don't exercise much, you multiply that number by 12. If you exercise 2-3 times a week, you multiply by 14. If you exercise 6 times a week, you multiply by 16. I go on walks, so I'll say I exercise 2-3 times a week. So multiplying 115 by 14 gives me 1610. Then, if you're under 5'7 you add 200. If you're over 5'7 you add 300. I'm short, so I add 200. That leaves me at 1810. I should be taking in 1810 calories a day.
After finding that out, I went off to find a calorie counter of some kind online. Well, I came across this website. I learned a lot from that link. I've never had to lose weight before, so this is all new to me. I have always been skin and bones. Basically, I need to eat less calories than my body burns to lose weight. So, I followed their link to this calorie deficit calculator. There's a bunch of different options for how much of a calorie deficit you want. I think I'll stick with 500, so that means I should only take in 1310.
Going back to the whole losing weight thing, I found out that my diet should consist of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat. In doing this, I do still plan on being smarter about what fats I choose to take in. That I learned with the Mediterranean Diet. Unfortunately, I can't have wheat. So, being smarter about my carbs is a little more difficult right now.
Now, I am someone who needs to keep track of things in order to stick to it. I need it in front of my face, though. So, online things really don't help me. So, I printed out this food diary. I selected carbs, protein, total fat, calcium, and iron for the nutrients I am most concerned about. I printed out my diary and now I am going to utilize it. I can write down what I eat throughout the day and mark the values for my nutrients. Then each night I can come here to find out how many calories I ate that day.
So, I'm going to give this a try. I'm also going to keep track of my measurements each week to see what my progress is. I really hope this works because if not I'm going to be really disappointed. We all try to lose weight at some point in our life, what have you tried? Any success?
Really Crackin' Down
Another problem I find myself running into is time. If I could work eight hours straight, I could make a lot. However, having a newborn and a toddler doesn't really lend itself to that. Sweet Pea is always getting into something and Lil' Bean always wants to be held. I get most of my work done during naps and bedtime. However, lately I've been having trouble focusing because Sweet Pea seems to want to protest bedtime every night. Hopefully that will end soon. Last night he fought bedtime for three hours before he finally went to sleep. He didn't really cry. He mainly played. Specifically, he was using his crib as a trampoline. All I heard was bouncy bouncy boom squeal.
I am almost positive I am not the only WAHM. How do you manage being mommy and working from home? How do you motivate yourself?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Babies on Facebook
Then I started thinking about the old days of MySpace when everyone made MySpace pages for their pets and kids. I wonder if anyone has now started doing this with Facebook. However, I think Facebook has a minimum age requirement. I am too worried about online safety as it is, so I'm not so sure if I would make a Facebook page for my kids. That and one Facebook is enough to manage for me Right now I'm managing DB's as well. So, I really couldn't see managing four Facebook pages. Would you ever consider making a Facebook page for your kids? Why or why not?
Day 4: Worried
Anyway...worried. I know he's in jail and not prison, but the same or similar fears still cross my mind. He's small. I don't want him getting into fights. I'm sure he's being quiet and staying to himself. I just hope nothing happens to him. I don't want him getting hurt. What if him being quiet is what provokes someone else? He told me that when the guys from prison have court dates that they are held in the county jail. Those are the real bad guys. What if they get bored, or whatever goes through their mind, and they go after him? I'm not sure how jail guards are, but I know from dealing with my cousins that prison guards are worthless. What if jail guards are the same?
All I can do is pray. When he was in there before he said everyone liked him because he gave them his food. Hopefully they still like him. However, I do hope he's eating. I think next time I go to the store, I'm going to get stuff to freeze meals for him for when he gets out to give to his grandma for him. His grandma doesn't cook very often, but I know he will want a home cooked meal once he is out.
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